Sal's Reflections

Even mini vacations allow one to smell the roses and sort out key goals and objectives. I find that especially when the vacation has as its central point a body of water there are those moments when dreams and desires become more clear. Sitting in a chair and gazing at the body of the water allow moments that are not available in the hustle and bustle of each working day. There is more clarity today and the will as well as the spirit appear to be fortified for the return of all the challenges. Vacations are more than just days when we sleep longer and have a second cup of coffee at breakfast, they are the breaks in our script that allow rewriting of our future lives .

These days in Maine have been joyful and idyllic.However I am aware that there are homes of people I know who are immersed in grief and overwhelming sese of loss.Tragedy has come in the face of infant death and the loss of a teenager by accident. The pain of this shocking news for parents and loved ones can be so devastating that life seems to come to a screeching halt with such cutting unbearable pain. I have in my life had the task of telling parents that one of their children had suddenly died ,and it bores a hole in my heart to this day. There are no words that can alleviate the pain, but I have learned that the immediate shock though wrenching is not the most difficult part.The real avalanche of sustained pain comes when life resumes for everyone else after the burials.It is then that they most need us. They need us to abandon the belief that talking about their child causes more pain. The words and memories may appear to be new cuts to their soul , but it has been my experience that in minuscule ways it helps for a moment or two. The biggest lesson I learned is that our ongoing presence will never bring their child back ,but it helps to know that they are not totally alone

As I shaved this morning it dawned on me that I start exactly in the same place and follow a pattern that never deviates. This habit is rather harmless and makes little difference in my life, but I realized how many other rituals are performed at the emotional and behavioral level which may not be so harmless. Many of our emotional rules and regulations are behind the behaviors that may be preventing growth and new opportunities. They are the  sayings and cautions that consistently come from that little voice in our heads. Breaking some of these rituals like”I am too old to learn new tricks” can be adjusted and even deep sixed,, but they require insight,will and a series of behaviors that start to replace the old long standing habits. Age does not ever have to be a wall that one can never overcome, and accepting every limitation because the beard is grey or the head has less hair is a decision that can and in my opinion be revisited.New habits are waiting for your perusal and today there will be twenty thousand moments for you to sit in the armchair and survey the host of habits you have gathered,Tomorrow I will begin to shave on the other side, and then try to create a new voice in my head.

“No is a word on your path to Yes. Don’t give up too soon. Not even if well-meaning parents, relatives, friends, and colleagues tell you to get a real job. Your dreams are your real job”
— Joyce Spizer”

I love this saying because it is so true.Getting to yes in anything worthwhile rarely is smooth sailing and walking away because it did not work often mises what could be so great on the other side of no.There were so many moments in my life when the temptation to fold my tent were very strong, but hanging tough and plowing through the rejection has brought moments and rewards well beyond my dreams.It is the time of year when most of us have a few days off to reflect on where we are and where we want to go. I would encourage you to not believe it is over regarding your dreams because someone said no.

We are about to celebrate as a nation the bold act of thirteen colonies publicly declaring their right to end their subservience to the then most powerful nation in the world.If Vegas existed there would be astronomical odds on the belief that this rag-tag group of colonists would have the will and courage to withstand the onslaught of a superior military force.If we examine the outcome we will see moments when the situation was so bleak that hope was all that was left.The courage and will to make this a place where everyone has a real opportunity to pursue life,liberty and the pursuit of happiness is part of our DNA and if we cave to the challenges that face us we betray the legacy of those who bled and even died that we might be free. They faced greater foes than lobbyists and those that ignore the needs of the community, so when we witness the fireworks this week may they ignite the will of all Americans to plunge into a re-commitment to fulfill the ongoing mission of our ancestors.

I think there are times when we are immobilized because we are arguing about the past and totally ignoring the future.There are remnants of our past that cast a shadow that often leads to endless arguments about symbols,Keeping a flag up or taking it down is not a trivial matter, but it pales compared to the decision as where we choose to go as a nation.Systemic issues of poverty and equality will not vanish because we spend our energy on this issue. Rather I think we have the unique opportunity to address the roots of what causes so much rancor and strife.We as a nation have the technology and resources to rebuild our infrastructure ,create meaningful affordable education for all children, and offer living wages to all in our society. We can not wait for the polarized politicians that benefit from the rancor to lead.They have shown a singular inability to face the challenges of tomorrow. and wish to keep us mired in endless trivial arguments.We can and must act individually and collectively on a local level to evolve to the ideals that are the foundation of this great nation.

The decision from the Supreme Court on gay marriage was received differently yesterday by people in my circle.One in particular is a kind and gracious person who finds the decision to be off course, and a detriment to our society. He is not a bigot in any shape of the word, but for religious reasons he cannot conceive that these unions are true marriages.His faith and experience lead him to the conclusion that marriage has always been, and should remain the ritual reserved for a man and a woman.I understand this posture, but I do not share it.
I have known through the years many gay couples who evidenced the deepest care and love for each other.I never understood why their relationships had to be secret and hidden in emotional closets.Also I understood the variations that society was slowly doling out to their commitments by using the words “legal unions”. In reality they were still deprived of a right and privilege that should have been theirs under the Constitution.For me the news is wonderful, and I believe that we are stronger as a people because we have overcome another hurdle on our way to celebrating the lives and loves of all of our brothers ad sisters.

My father came to America from Italy and loved this country with his entire heart and soul. He had an inveterate belief in American exceptionalism iand despite wars,depressions and social strife he never wavered from that belief.Over and over the experiment of our Democracy has been stretched to the limit, but somehow despite overwhelming odds we as a people come together and face the challenges.Another hurdle in the pursuit of life,liberty and the pursuit of happiness faces us at the new crossroad.The question of race and how we deal with it has always been part of our story but in many ways the polarization has become stronger than ever.We can face this, and it will truly make us exceptional as a people, or we can retreat into seeking data that reinforces our separation.I am with my father on the belief that there is something special about us as a people, and we will rise to this massive challenge.I am reminded of the words of Winston Churchill who said’the wonderful thing about Americans is that after they have tried all the wrong solutions they always get it right.