Sal's Reflections

There are choices in life that lead to nowhere and a lifetime of regret and often bitterness.. They are called blaming, and complaining . There are many who have been dealt difficult hands in this world but some rise above their circumstances and do not spend their days looking over their shoulders,I know persons who have experienced such tragedy that it certainly would be understandable if they sat weeping in a corner forever. However so many of them have not stayed at the blaming or complaining junctures.These are not persons who are unaware of how tough their lives are, but they plow ahead and become role models to so many. Blaming and complaining about our lives are always options, but moving past them offers new gifts. We grow in confidence when we weather the bruises along the way.

Over and over I am impressed with the number of people who each day make the world a little better.We are often bombarded with data that implies that the world has gone to hell in a hand basket. There is no denying that the world is filled with pain and tragedy but we often overlook the other side. Everyday i see and experience acts of commitment and caring.Often unseen there are meaningful lives who care for children ,adults and make our lives easier and more fulfilling.I spent a portion of this week with faculty nurses who are dedicated to help shape nurses that will positively impact the lives of thousands of Americans. They will probably never receive the notoriety that they deserve but the world is better because of them
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This is also true for everyone that fills my Facebook list.There appears to be no one that does not make a difference.Again they may not be considered famous but the lives they touch are blessed by their presence.

When Diane Thomas was in college on a scholarship she was devastated when she received an F on one of her creative writing pieces. She begged the professor to change the grade because she feared losing her scholarship. He agreed but only if she would promise that she would give up writing. Years later while working as a waitress in a restaurant she overheard a group of journalists speaking about their work. She told them she would love to write but her attempts were failures. She related the story of her encounter with her professor.

There is a vast difference between being an optimist and a Pollyanna. I will certainly agree that most times I see the potential rather than the downside of an issue or choice.Also I have a habit of flushing out every conceivable choice before deciding which way to go.In addition I have to clearly state that I have never had anything worthwhile happen in my life by being negative.This comes from one who has seen more than most both on the positive and negative side of people’s behavior.

The moral of the story for me is open up the possibilities.Place the fear on the sidelines for a bit , and at least glance at the choices that are possible before you make a significant choice.

I was recently asked in Boston while giving a talk on the Holocaust if our current political situation was similar to Germany in the 1930’s.My response was that I did not vote for Trump, and find his behavior and rhetoric abhorrent, but he is the legitimate duly elected President of the United States.Hitler was not, and millions of Germans stood by in silence while the Nazi’s controlled the press,registered the Jews and abolished any remnant of the rule of law.If a president was to do any of those illegal acts millions of Americans would stand up and oppose him.
I think we have to be careful with using the term Nazi, and though I believe there is legitimate concerns about Trump and his cabinet there are checks and balances in the system.Also there is a goodness in the hearts of the American citizenry that would never allow a despot to have free reign against the spirit of our Constitution.

So many of my friends and loved ones marched in different cities yesterday, and my hope is that the march will be followed by active participation .My hope is that this is a movement to make our government more responsive to the citizenry. It is in my opinion beyond partisanship and gets to the root of what truly makes America great. The lobbyists own the game, and it is time for all of us at the local and national level to start taking back the role that is rightfully ours. This is a land that stands for the abolition of racism, sexism homophobia and any prejudice against anyone because of their diversity.My belief is that this spontaneous explosion will move beyond labels to action and hold all of the politicians” feet to the fire.

I am often told that I have genuine public speaking ability. This belief is usually followed by statements like” I know it is easy for you Sal because you are a natural.” Guess what? I have spoken to groups as large as a couple of thousand and some as small as five. The one common denominator is that never once was I not full of fear before I went on stage .To my knowledge I have never laid an egg, but the voice of “Doom and Gloom Sal” always poses the possibility that this may happen.

Harold Greenwald the founder of “Direct Decision Therapy once told me that a good portion of our lives is spent asking for permission.He made it clear that he was not blaming others for our behavior, but indicated that the major decision we make about ourselves initially came from others. All along the way we ask permission for a host of choices, and permissions are often because we need to please others.
Permission from others is certainly part and parcel of every life, but what about personal permission?The need to change any aspect of our life and become who we deeply believe we want to be requires a new permission. It may be difficult to believe, but at some point in time the most important decision is personal.Transformation,passion for life and the fulfillment of purpose is in the hands of giving oneself permission.Pleasing others may be important, but we only go around once and giving yourself permission to select different choices may lead you to the brass ring.

One of the questions I consistently ask in my consulting business is”What do you need from me to be successful.” I cannot operate in an insular fashion that believes I always know what the expectations are.If I know what the expectations are then specific agreements and plans can be developed. In a sense that question can be adapted to individual needs.Most persons will find it difficult to ascertain what anyone needs from them without being told specifics.Many times it seems that we expect people to read our minds, and often we are disappointed because our needs are not being met.
In moments of reflection it is healthy to ask yourself the questions about need. “What do I need from others” is critical because if I don’t truly know what I need how can I expect others to divine the answers.It is not selfish to identify needs, and can be the foundation for deeper personal and even career fulfillment.Have an,unfiltered conversation with yourself and surface the needs that you feel are not being met.