Sal's Reflections

Yesterday we spoke about pain being something that creates leverage in seeking to attain goals. Spelling out what will occur if the goal is not met can create imagery that promotes commitment to the goal. Knowing that failure creates a host of negative outcomes can provide the impetus to continue to commit to achievement. The opposite is also true; when we develop the pleasure that we experience in the achievement of the goal. If the goal is the cessation of smoking there are many areas of images and reasons that will create positives. The stronger the pleasure the more formidable the leverage for goal attainment. An example of this would be the pleasure in quitting smoking.Your health will be improved,you will have fewer respiratory problems,clothes will smell better and if you have children they will experience fewer colds etc. The more you can create concrete images and reasons of pleasure the probability of goal achievement is enhanced.

Work task:
Next to each goal write down every source of pleasure and fulfillment you will experience when you achieve this goal. .

One of the key ingredients in the change process is to create leverage which provides energy and inspiraion. A formidable source of leverage is to determine “what will be the pain if I do not achieve these goals” ?Specifying the negatives that will occur if I fail to meet the goal creates leverage. There can be a host of unwanted feelings that will develop if the goal is not attained. Examples of this would be in the area of weight reduction. What will be the pain if I set a goal to lose weight and do not achieve the goal? ” There coulkd be health considerations,image considerations and a disappointment in the ability to follow through.Pain can be a great motivator and source of energy.All human beingss seek to avoid pain and so in that respect identifying the pain beforehand creates leverage.

Work task:
What pain will you experience if you do not achieve your goals. Write them down and see if they create leverage.

You are well on your way to achieving your goals but to maximize the effort the plan must be more specific. If the goal is to lose weight you need to identify the exact amount of weight. What is the target date for this goal? What is your strategy? In that strategy what are the behavioral steps. For example” I will join weight watchers today”. Or” I will rid my house of “Junk food”. Or” I will exercise three times a week for forty five minutes”. The plan must be specific and requires that every day you do something which reinforces the goal in your brain. Remember it is not necessary to have everything figured out before acting. If you get stuck ask yourself what would be the best thing for me to do next?

Work task.:
Write down the strategy for each goal and then put behavioral steps on the papr which move toward the goal. Specify the date for completion and then sign the paper.

Time to stop and reflect on where you are in the thirty day change process.You have thought long and hard about a series of goals that you wish to accomplish.The end result has been cultivated by imagining”what finish looks like.”Also you have focused on the negative self talk that is preventive in changing your behavio and implemented”positive self talkr.Coupled wiith this is the foundation of beliefs,long held that are often out of sequence with the goals. Sensing the reality of the constant concept of “worthiness” you have reinforced the fact that you deserve to achieve these goals. Now prepared in your mind you have taken the next step which is stating and acting in a behavioral manner toward the goals completion. You are aware that you do not have to have it all figured out but you must do something constructive each day.

It is not important that initially every step toward your goal be determined.You are at the point where you have told your brain that you have moved through wish and want to choose, This is important but without behavioral reinforcement you will probably slide back into just thinking about the goal. The next step is to today do something that actually starts to move you toward the goal. An example of this could be if your goal is to secure a better job then you identify what is the next step. It could be listing your skills or identifying your network or looking into what opportunities are available to you. If your goal is weight reduction then you might take a step toward preparing a two week menu or clearing your place of all the junk food. Whatever the goal or goals the magic will not take place without behavioral effort. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE THE ENTIRE PROCESS FIGURED OUT BEFORE YOU ACT.Your brain will take cues from your behavior.

Work task:
Identify the next behavioral step you will take after each goal.It is critical to do something behavioral toward the goal each day.

In goal setting in order to gather energy and inspiration it is essential that the goal or goals are examined with regard to why they are worth the effort. We spoke earlier about the distinctions involved with the words wish ,want and choose. The choice becomes stronger when we fill that with a rationale as to why this goal or that goal is important. It follows that wonderful proverb that states” once I have a why I will always find a how” The goal setting process is a series of thoughts ,feelings and actions that are the foundation of the changes desired.
Work Task:
State each goal as specifically as you can and then for a few minutes write down why this is important to you. Why do you wish to embark on this process? What will you gain from it? How does the attainment of this goal make you feel?Is there genuine value for you or others in this quest?

In order to gain focus on the goals that you set for yourself a major step is to define how serious your intent is regarding the goals. There are many things that float through our minds and desires but these are often not really behavioral goals. It is helpful to pass these potential goals through the words wish,want and choose..If you are in the process of setting goals examine them in light of those three words. We wish for many things but this is somewhat fanciful. We want many things to happen and this is more focus than wish but still inadequate for goal achievement. The word choose is the key reality because it has moved front and center in our brain and it is the potential for behavioral application. Once you choose to attain a goal your brain moves to implementation.

Work Task:
Examine the goals that you are considering and place the word wish ,want or choose next to each goal.Once you have done this on a seperate piece of paper write the goal or goals in as specific behavioral manner as possible. Once you finish this write at the bottom of the paper” I choose to achieve this goal” Now sign the paper with your signature.

There are literally thousands of beliefs that we carry around with us. Many have been processed through our brains and we no longer believe them through inheritance but rather through personal choice. However, there are for most perssons negative beliefs that hinder growth and the achievement of goals. In order to move forward in the goal setting,change process it is imperative to consciously add new beliefs. For example the belief that change is possible regardless of age or the belief that you deserve a better job or relationship. If we believe that we are unworthy or incapable of achieving new goals our brains will cease to focus on those as real choices. Beliefs are the foundations of behavior and when we substitute new beliefs for negative preventive ones we are more ready to apply the behaviors required for change.

Work task:
Write down any belief that you believe will support the goals you are addressing i.e.” I believe that I have the facility to learn a new language” or “I believe that I will find a meaningful relationship” or “I believe that I am able to learn the skills required to find a meaningful career.”.

In the course of a normal week it is probable that our emotions rise and fall on the ordinary events of the day.Unexpected events can cause our emotions to fluctuate wildly. On a scale of one to ten we can go from a one to a ten in an instant when some difficult situation is upon us. The way we feel about ourselves is often referred to as self worth. When things go well and smoothly most will feel pretty good about tthemselves. In the change process self worth is important but it is not enough of an anchor to promote positive goals because it is not a constant. On the other hand there is a concept called worthiness which originates in the intellect and is steady. It is the belief that you have value period regardless of how you feel.Worthiness is based on your humanity and never can be diminished. Despite your feelings and failings your worth as a person is the foundation of the positive change process.

Work Task
: Examine the last few days and identify the feelings of self worth on a scale of one to ten. Compare this with the intelectual belief that you have value period. Stating your worthiness for change is not a lack of humility but rather a key ingredient to achieving what you desire.

Many of us carry unexamined belief systems that prevent alternative behaviors. Not looking for villains here but many have been imposed by well intentioned others. We may carry the belief that “we are just average” or not “smart enough” or” it is too late to teach an old dog new tricks” A great deal of learning along the way is injested at an emotional level that is a wall that blocks opportunities. A belief can be deeply held and if that belief is reinforced by you and others then the chances of new goals are greatly minimized. If you can examine whether these belief systems are true in the here and now they will inflict less harm. Better ye,t see if the beliefs that you are carrying are yours or were they inherited through the eyes of others.

Work task: List three beliefs that you have carried about yourself and define whether they are true for you in the here and now.