Sal's Reflections

Deep within all human beings is the desire to “make a difference. “I remember a dear friend once told me “I believe there is something very significant for me to achieve. “In her life it was true because she spends most of her waking moments devoted to the quest for resolution of the conflict in the mid-east. But for all of us there is also a daily path to meaning and it lies in the way we make others feel about themselves. It is an opportunity over and over in the normal occurrences of our lives that the interactions we have are like ripples on a lake, they go on and on. Today there will be moments of choice where our words,epressions and facial gestures will trigger feelings within those in the world. These are moments that can elevate the human spirit in simple ways that have lasting profound effects.

Today is my birthday and I love all the well wishes from family and friends. I have thought long and hard as I get long in the tooth and the following gifts are what I most desire: I want all Americans to bury the hatchet and support solutions that address our most pressing challenges. Argue and put forth your best case but intransigence hurts too many people. I want our government to help Israelis and Palestinians find a giant step toward securing Israel’s safety while freeing the Palestinian people. I lust for a way to embrace immigrants and find a just way toward citizenship. I thirst for the full acceptance of women, those who sexually differ from me and the full rights and privileges. of all citizens. So certainly an I phone or a trip to Rome would be welcome but I would prefer that we make a real dent into the society that I believe can become all that makes it the hope of a shining city on a hill.

There are no pat answers to dole out when someone hates a job but it is useful to see how others handled the situation. Frank was a 54 year old middle manager stuck in the same position for six years. He had been very disgruntled with his position and felt that he was taken for granted and often his input was totally ignored. He came to the realization that his mood at home was being effected as well as his health. After a period of reflection he decided to create a multi plan approach to his frustration. He began by slowly eating a more healthy diet and planned to exercise at least three times a week. He avoided some of the toxic people at work who constantly complained about everything under the sun. He asked for a session with his immediate boss and requested guidance on how he could pursue additional responsibility. He decided to be more attentive to his family and structured his ride home from work through a more scenic route. It was an extra ten minute ride but created a relaxing pause from the workplace. Over the course of four months he felt as though his life and work experience had been positively influenced..

There is no strategy that fits all situations when one hates their job. The following are some considerations that may help.1.Develop a new set of beliefs. For example “I will find a way to make this job more meaningful.” or “I will develop a plan to find a more meaningful position” or” I know that in the next four months there will be another opportunity in my network.” 2. Revise your self talk. If you are constantly feeding your brain with negative self talk nothing will change.3.Ask your self and try to visualize “What would it be like if I did not have this problem?”4.What can you learn from your current situation? 5.If the situation is largely caused by a reporting relationship what can you do to improve it? What does your employer need from you to be successful? What do you need from your employer to be successful.6.Just before you go to sleep and when you wake up create a view that things will get better. 7.If possible, activate your sense of humor. Sometime a good laugh about the situation can be helpful.

When work becomes a place that that drains us of energy because we, for many reasons, have grown to dislike our present position ;it can be like living in a spiral. Everything is tainted by this reality and it can become a negative compulsive cycle. All of our thoughts may center on this and even when we are not at work we have no shut off mechanism. A friend told me recently “even on the weekends I am adsorbed by how unhappy I am at work.: My suggestion to somewhat break the routine is to realize that there is more to life than your job. It is vastly more than a cliché to “smell the roses”. Break your focus on the negative thoughts by realizing that life is time that is limited for all of us. When caught in the web it is easy to lose sight of the wondrous million blessings in every life. Today observe more the sounds and scenes that are all around you. The wondrous movement of the clouds above, the sounds of children as you walk to work. the wonderful aroma of coffee as you purchase your morning brew. or the cheerful smile of a stranger on the street. Everywhere you go today the opportunities to see life in a wider context are present. It is not a Pollyanna approach to become more aware of life in all the components that we miss when we are submerged in the anguish of the present. Smell the roses today even if you have to walk through the florist shop to have the opportunity.

When you are in a work situation that is debilitating and going to work each day is draining you need support. One benefit that you can draw from is your personal network. Within the family and friends you have encountered along the way there are resources that may be helpful in many ways. First of all it is not just griping to these people about your situation.; rather it is seeking feedback, counsel and additional resources. Hopefully you keep up with them and don’t just contact them in times of need. I have found that almost every challenge in life can be addressed through the resources of my personal network. I suggest that you take some time to reflect and formalize your network. The magic often comes not directly from your network but through all of the connections of your friends and relatives. Once you access your network it activates the networks of all your connections.

A good place to begin regarding strategies for dealing with a job you hate is to do an informal skill assessment. What are your strongest skills? How do you know that? What are the accomplishments that you are most proud of in the past? Along your business career what are the most consistent feedbacks about your skills? What are the skill areas you would like to develop? Are there any opportunities in your current position to develop these? Describe the best possible working environment for you? Do you thrive within a team or prefer to be a solo flyer? What would you like others to say about your contributions?

I have been most fortunate in that most of my life I have had occupations that I enjoyed most of the time. Talking with a friend recently I was made keenly aware that some persons actually hate their job or the circumstances of their employment. I will not address that reality with a bromide like “Do what you love the money will follow” but I will make a few suggestions to lighten the burden. Over the next week I will add some pithy strategies that might take some vinegar out of the status quo. The first of these before you quit the job without having another in place to land is to identify any positives of the current position. Does it provide you or others with more than the basics? Does it allow you to participate in any activities outside of work? Are there any educational opportunities within the structure? Do you have friends and associates that you enjoy at work? Are there opportunities to advance in another department or subsidiary? Are their any past accomplishments that are worthy of note.”? The point is much of your energy is being used in what’s bad about the situation and an alternate course of focus may start the way out of your dilemma.

Today will be for ,many of us a wopndrous family day where we shatre the company of our family and friends.This,memorable day is an opportunity for laughter,wonderful food and the realization that our lives are filled with blessings.However, today will be another day of pain and suiffering for many around the worlld.Jews and Palestinians wil experience century old fears and hostilities. Others,.some perhaps close to our festivities, may have little to eat and may lack even tthe most basic hiuman needs. These and a host of other realities are reminders that in our celebration tjhere is always a layer of responsibility for each of us to try and make the world a llittle better for others. The greatest way to give thanks for all we have is to lift the burdfens of others so that they may experience some of the joy we feel today..

As we count the many blessings of our lives I believe it is also a time to reflect on giving Every person has some ability and opportunity to give to others of their time and resources. This can be a particularly difficult time for many who do not have the myriad wonderful gifts that have been showered on many of us. Today it would be a perfect time to reach out to someone in your life that could use some attention. It ,may be as simple as an email, or a phone call or a donation to an organization that will feed the underprivileged. Tomorrow while we are celebrating this Amercan moment to give thanks our hearts will be more fully joyous if we have made the life or lives of others special even, if it is only for a moment.