Sal's Reflections

There are moments when the wonderful promise of full citizenship appears through the clouds of denial and despair. Yesterday our government took a huge step forward by abandoning a law that forbid people to have the fullness of relationship. Some argued that calling it marriage goes against the grains of nature and tradition. But I for one celebrate the love of all those who waited for years to openly pledge themselves to those they love. I respect the beliefs of all, but I believe that this step is a joyous leap toward the fulfillment of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness for all.

The members of the Supreme court who voted to change the voting rights act should go to the bridge in Selma and reflect on what happened there before we had a voting rights law.People of every color and creed bled on beaches so that every citizen had the absolute right to vote. Travel back to our shameful past that kept people of color from registering and voting. We must not go back to the Jim Crow days and I once marched in the South, on Washington and in Newark, New Jersey. I will take to the streets again to protect this most sacred right of our Democracy.Our Congress must overturn this shameful act of bias.

There are times when life takes persons into the area of unbridled anger.Expressions like”I am furious” or “I am so angry I could scream” are certainly indications that something has gone radically wrong. The emotion is raw ,and yet anger is not really the issue because anger is a response to other emotions. We only get angry after we feel hurt,used or we experience any combination where someone or something has treated us without respect. Carrying unresolved anger over a period of time has physical and emotional consequences so it is worthwhile to get under the anger and deal with the root causes.

Most of our connections to the world of media deal with sad and shocking local and world events. My son who for years was a television broadcaster told me”if it bleeds ,it leads.”Yesterday as I traveled to a meeting in New Jersey I witnessed over and over signs of people in love.There were the young couples at Penn station transfixed by the person they loved.The mother and father on the train patiently explaining all of the mysteries that their two year old was posing.There was an older couple holding hands and helping each other negotiate the challenges of aging. Certainly there are hordes of painful issues in life, but it is worthwhile to witness the beauty and value of love.It truly does make the world go round.

Yesterday I had the marvelous experience of visiting the Cloisters museum. The setting on such a clear day was breathtaking with marvelous foliage and breathtaking views of the Hudson river. On the way back I took the slow bus that seemed to stop on every street. On two separate occasions passengers in wheelchairs boarded and the driver needed to perform a series of actions to the seats in order to accommodate them. Acting s if they were his beloved parents he treated them and everyone else on the bus with such respect. Smiling throughout the trip he bid all of us goodbye with a wave when we reached the point where a new driver came on the bus. It was wonderful to see someone fully devote himself to others through the simple tasks of daily work.

One of the constants for most of us is worrying every day about a host of issues. The worry usually takes the form of “what if”. One by one the dreaded possibilities come to our consciousness and often syphon energy away from more positive pursuits. The worry is often unshaped and takes on a life of its own causing a significant amount of fear and stress. One way to handle it is to specify the worry so that you can get your hands around the concrete implications of the situation. I have found that adding the word “so” before the “what if” often allows me to realize that the situation ,if it occurs, is not so frightening as the unshaped vision that is somewhat out of control. Worrying is part of life, but defining the worry and its implications always leads to some real choices and alternatives.

I am a flawed human being so I believe in forgiveness but certain acts are not easily forgiven. Ken Mehlman a gay man ran the anti gay program for the Bush reelection program. I understand why some choose to be in the closet but being a gay man and stoking the fires of fear and bigotry is beyond me. Now out of the closet Mr.Mehlman is trying to get Republicans to accept gay people. No overt contrition on his part for all the harm that he has done. Again I believe in second chances but it seems to me he should beg forgiveness for every person he hurt for political gains. How many kids were bullied because of his program.? How many persons suffered the pain and anguish of his hypocrisy? You can be forgiven like anyone else Me.Mehlman but words and bigotry have consequences. Forget the attempt to convert those that hired you and prostrate yourself and beg forgiveness for the brothers and sisters you betrayed.

You hear it all the time”you can’t teach an old dog new tricks”.There is an element of truth in that when it comes to our first response.However, there can be a secondary response to any set of circumstances.I find that my first response to almost every situation is the same as years ago, but there are so many times when after reflection I am able to actually employ a “new trick”. I have seen it not only in myself but almost everyone else. It is in those second responses that we adjust to the world as it is now not just as it was yesterday.

I would venture that all of us have at least one big dream.We think about it and usually attach the word “someday” to it. every time it pops up it is filled with warm feelings but it is a long way off. What if in the present we focused on at least one small dream? It could be a skill we want to learn or a host of other goals that would fill a need in our lives. There is a vitality to these short dreams that need not be the pie in the sky winning the lottery type fantasy. Everyone has that little dream closer to achievement than the someday one. What is your little dream?