Sal's Reflections

One of life’s great joys is to watch the growth and maturation of your children. In the beginning they are nurtured , loved and the responsibility for their welfare is largely the responsibility of the parents .As time goes on the roles are changed and at some point they grow at every level and you stand in awe at the persons they become. Today is the birthday of my daughter Marisa. I have witnessed her development on every level to becoming the wonderful person that is loved by all who are privileged to know her She is .beautiful, bright exceptionally funny and an marvelous daughter and friend. It is a father’s privilege to embarrass his daughter with unvarnished truth at least once a year, and I take this opportunity to tell her that she is a gift that I treasure each day. Happy Birthday Marisa.

The big mistake that we are making as American citizens is that we have fallen for the trap that our politicians have set for us. They benefit from our assuming the positions that allow them to actually do nothing that benefits the citizenry. They are pleased that we have become sponges for Fox News and MSNBC. If they can keep us putting labels on each other then they can continue to blame the other side and keep cashing checks from the lobbyists. The shame is that we continue to feel powerless and we shrug our shoulders and walk away. In our real lives we don’t always agree with each other but we normally don’t turn our backs and walk away. We may argue and be bent out of shape but we find solutions. Sometimes we win the argument and sometimes we compromise but ultimately we seek solutions. If we continue to play at their game we will gripe that the country is going in the wrong direction but nothing will change. The “I want my country back slogan” is merely that.a slogan until we stop shouting at each other and join forces to force all forms of our government to function again.

There are days when the gamut of the human experience stares you in the face. My niece gave birth to a beautiful baby girl which has filled the entire family with joy. On the other side of the ledger a dear friend sits in an ICU keeping vigil while her father is dying. Both are reminders that life is so filled with moments of ecstasy and pain. Savor the views from the top of the mountain because there are also times when loss and the passing of a loved one sears the soul. It is in these moments when belonging and caring for each other are so important.

Race continues to be part of the great divide in this country and endless commentaries continue to skirt solutions and support rigid perceptions and stereotypes. For every issue on one side the other side poses a scenario that contradicts the rationale. One speaks of black teenagers being shot by the police while others blame the situation on outsiders and speak about looting. Distance and lack of contact make the situation drift into sound bites and polarization rather than dialogue .This isolation is often the choice of many. The unique, noble American experiment has an ideal that can only be fully met when all of it citizens from every race, creed and color believe that we must do more than tolerate each other, We must reach out so that the law and the promise of the Constitution and that wonderful woman in New York harbor are rightfully experienced by all.

Harold Greenwald one of my professors in graduate school and the author of “Decision Therapy”believed that at some point in the first ten years of life we make a critical deision about who we are. That decision is often based largely on perceptions and beliefs. These are true for us at that time but they may be merely relative truths ,but as a child we may take them literally. The decision as to who we are influences many if not all of the critical decisions we make in the future. Harold was not merely past oriented or looking for someone to blame, he was seeking a way for us to have real current input into the decisions about ourselves. He suggested we look at the beliefs that are the foundation of who we are and if those are blocking growth, then we need to substitute more healthy and positive beliefs. So many of the perceptions that block and limit us are merely impressions of so many factors beyond our control. The now offers us the opportunity to consciously make a decision that allows more healthy choices.

Congratulations, because for one more day you hid your fears and lack of self-worth by abusing an innocent kid that had no chance to fight back. Your bravado and brutality may be celebrated by others lacking in self-esteem who use violence and bias to hide their internal terrors. Throw out your chest and prance around hoping that tomorrow you will once again be able to hide how terrified you are ,or that bullying may avoid that someone will see through your veil and realize that you are merely a shell of what you might be. When you are alone at home, or looking in the mirror there are no shouts of “hit him again’ to mask the self-hatred you experience, but rather know that the shame and revulsion that the meager part of your conscience has retained will at some moment confront your conscious mind.
You may hide all of this from those who are as frightened as you ,and feeding off each other’s self-hatred and bias may get you through another day, but it will gnaw at you and never allow you to experience what you might have become.

A lasting conversation with my friend and mentor Viktor Frankl always seems to come to the front of my brain whenever I hear the cries for matching violence with violence.I hear it every day when warring sides urge their fellow citizens to kill and mame the enemy. I hear it in response to real or perceived hurts or slights. “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth” still is the foundation rather than the olive branch.My curiosity was contained for months regarding Viktor’s views on this topic but one day I asked him ,”How could you not hate the Nazis and didn’t you wish to beat them to a pulp for what they had done?.”He pensively paused before answering and said”Salvatore violence is never the answer. It only promotes more harm, and once started it is almost impossible to stop.If I hated the Nazis what would I have left?. They stripped me of so much that I loved but I will not give up the belief that love is more powerful than hatred.” Some would call his words naïve but I call them prophetic and profound.

“She helped me become the best possible person I could become.” These words were spoken by a friend at his sister’s funeral. What a beautiful tribute to a life well lived. Helping others to reach their potential is probably as wonderful a testament as there is in life. I am moved by this description, and realize that there is gratitude for all in my life whose love and guidance have fostered growth and knowledge. It also challenges me to realize that caring for all you encounter offers moments when they are able to see themselves in ways that help them grow and develop

At times it is easy to lose sight of the purpose and meaning of our lives. The endless tasks of activities that begin the second we awake can be so consuming that we do not have the time or energy to reflect on some larger issues. Each of our lives has potential for meaning, and it is a worthwhile venture to at least once in awhile to sit down and jot on a piece of paper what gives us purpose and meaning. These reflective moments will often allow us to see what is truly important in our individual lives. It is more that smelling the roses because it will help us see our connections to others and the opportunities to connect to them and life in ways in which we have more control. We are not merely robots repeating the same behaviors that have been programmed. Those times when we stop and listen to our hearts and spirit are the ones that make the difference for us and our world

I work at the soup kitchen in a neighboring church that feeds three to four hundred homeless five days a week. Last week a group of us sat around after the evening meal and one volunteer had a wonderful perspective that she shared with us.” I have been coming here for over two years and have heard many stories about how people wound up being homeless. So many of them led very ordinary lives at one point but circumstances and challenges forced their downward spiral. It reminds me that everyone I come in contact with has at least one burden, and some may not be visible but they are struggling. That awareness has made me less judgmental and more forgiving and the reality is I came here to help but I am receiving more than I am giving.”Amazing that sermons which help us happen when we least expect them.