Sal's Reflections

There is a growing disparity between the foundation of our country and the reality of the legal system. There has always been an inherent belief that justice was available to every citizen on an equal basis. This rock bed American belief has been shattered by the fact that if you are privileged in this country the law often ceases to exist. Not one white collar criminal has been prosecuted in our financial meltdown even though their criminal behavior wrecked havoc on all American citizens. If you are wealthy and powerful you can start unjust wars, lie to hard working citizens about their investments and the list goes on and on. If you are poor and powerless the system is grossly weighted against you. We once believed in the wonderful truth that justice was blind. Our justice system needs a complete overhaul and we as citizens have to be more vocal about the inequities that have taken justice hostage.

Years ago while visiting a dear fiend who had a terminal illness he asked the nurse to give us some privacy. I knew his days were numbered, and he wished to speak to me in private. Taking a deep breath he told me that he had learned many things through his illness and wished to share them with me in order that I might pass them on to others. The first one he shared was that painful experiences in life either break you or give you courage, and a sense that you can achieve more than you once imagined. The second was that life is extraordinary in so many ordinary ways that we miss the beauty of the known. The third gem was that his biggest regrets came from saying no instead of yes. Many fantastic opportunities were never brought to fruition because of the fact that there were always risks involved. He said “Sal have the courage to embrace life in its fullest.” Like the teachings of so many along the way I carry his words with me ,and have tried not only to share them, but also to live them.

Last night a friend and I had made plans to meet at the corner of 96th street and take the bus to the subway on our way to the theater. At precisely the appointed time, she was in my opinion late and fifteen minutes later my phone rang.My friend inquired where are you?”I said “I am at the bus stop on 96th street.” She said”so am I.” We both went to the bus stop that we always used but the problem is that they are a block apart. What seems absolutely clear is always persona,l and the reason why there is so much confusion in private and work relationships. Our understanding of every situation comes through the funnel of our experiences and whenever there is a misunderstanding it is always worthwhile to explore the reality of how we understand the obvious. In most cases it is not so obvious.

The Trayvon Martin death is a tragedy that offers the nation the opportunity to make significant choices.One is to create further differences between races by choosing to believe that the differences in race and culture are beyond resolution. We can argue about “stand and defend” laws and a host of political and legal perspectives. An alternative is to realize that all mammoth issues in a society are resolved on a personal level by ordinary citizens. Reaching out to create contact with those of another culture or race will almost invariably create common ground for understanding and acceptance. Our humanity far outweighs the color of our skin or our primary language and culture. As humans we have far more in common at every level then the issues where we differ. In the past many chose to be motivated to becoming involved in creating a society that one day would be color blind. It is time to realize that we are not there yet, and each of us can positively move forward toward that goal. Many of our children and grandchildren are already there. It is time for us to join them,

Since the civil rights movement I believe we have become closer to the shining city on the Hill. However only the naïve could believe that we are truly a color blind society.Those who appreciate the value of other cultures must continue to reach out and actively engage in dialogue. There is much to be gained by both sides in this search but it requires leadership. 0nly if  we realize the value of the diverse American quilt will the risks of listening be worth it.. The recent verdict may force polarity ,but everyone can reach out and continue to take the necessary opportunities to listen to those who are different than us. I ,in my life,have been enriched by the wisdom and learning of other cultures.

The verdict has been reached in the Florida case and no matter what position one holds ,it is still extremely sad. A young life was ended and so many lives have been radically altered by the events of that evening. I spent the evening with a wonderful couple who lost their daughter to random violence and the pain never ceases. I hope that the outcome of the Martin-Zimmerman case will lead to some small step toward a more sane less violent society. My fear is that just the opposite will happen and polarized positions on gun violence will be more intransigent.

I don’t know why but shaving this morning I noticed that the pattern is exactly the same every time I shave. I believe this is also true for so many of our daily functions, and sometimes we get into a rut. One way to spice up our lives is to break the cycle of some habit that we no longer find satisfying. All habits made sense at one period but realistically some have become rote and are no longer satisfying. Pick one of those today and simply alter it to some degree and break the cycle.

A friend recently told me how much she disliked someone and could not stop thinking about her negative feelings toward that person. I certainly understood how difficult the situation was for her but as I reflected on the value of grudges I realized how punitive they are on both sides. Someone once said that “a grudge is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. “It is not easy,but letting go of the vinegar can be so rewarding rather than continuing to stir negativity which may take its’ toll on many levels.

In everyone’s life there comes an illness which requires constant attention and care. Certainly it is a most difficult time for the person who is experiencing the illness, but it is also most painful for the caregivers. As loved ones of the ill person there are thousands of hours that drain the energy and spirit. Love is what drives their total devotion but we must never leave them to believe that they are alone. They do not need simple suggestions from us, or ways that they could do a better job. What they need is for us to let them know that we are with them in this most difficult time. We do not have any magic wands, but we can be there for them in a host of ways. We can adsorb some of their confusion, their grief and their anger. A phone call, a visit an offer to aid in any way they need makes such a difference. Please think about anyone you know that could use your love and concern at this difficult time.