Sal's Reflections

Carrying a grudge takes a great deal of energy ,and it has been my experience that the ones I have maintained for years bring little value to my life. Born out of real or perceived slights ,their purpose is justification of a position ,or a desire to protect against future hurt. Examination at times of the origin of the conflict is too often singular, and myopic.The other position is dismissed with a host of reasons that impugn motives. At one time this whole process probably made sense, but in the twilight of my years I consciously am letting go of all the negative baggage that I have stored toward others. Far from perfect myself ,at least at the conscious level, I free myself from any desire to hurt or maintain vinegar toward anyone.I have had mentors who have forgiven acts that are beyond the scope of ordinary pain ,so in their honor I join them in giving flight to any remnant of anger or revenge.

My Father would often reply to the question of how he was with “any day you are doing business above ground is a good day.” His attitude primarily was based on his conviction that life in itself was a marvelous experience. There are moments, and sometimes longer periods when I lose sight of that conviction. Wrapped up in thoughts or issues that may not be earth shattering the magnificence of all that surrounds me can be lost. There is so much that can be labeled as diamonds in the ordinary experiences that will be in my world today. The sounds of the city, or the laughter of a child, the countless buds breaking through the earth and announcing the coming of Spring. It is all there for me to immerse myself, but it requires the conscious reflection that life is an adventure filled with mountain tops and valleys. Being above ground makes this another one of those once in a lifetime experiences.

Woke up last week with a mild sore throat and a memory leaped into my consciousness as I tried the old gargle with salt trick. Saint Blaise is the patron saint of sore throats ,and the Church has an actual ceremony where congregants come and kneel at the altar and have their throats blessed. The ceremony revolves around the priest placing two candles on the person’s throat, and saying a prescribed prayer invoking the saint’s help. I was at one end of the altar saying the proper prayer and my buddy Jack Murphy was at the other end.As we proceeded we would get close to each other and meet in the middle of the communion rail.As I approached Jack I heard the following”May the bunny rabbit bless your throat ” I was stunned and he turned and looked at me with that innocent Irish face and said”never did learn the Saint Blaise prayer”.With that he turned and I and others could barely hear”may the bunny rabbit bless your throat.” The memory of that wonderful moment made my throat less scratchy.

This coming week is one that has significant meaning for people of various religious beliefs. It is of great benefit to learn the meaning and beauty of others’ beliefs. I have had the benefit of dear mentors in the Christian,Jewish,Muslim and Buddhist communities. I also have been exposed to wonderful minds who espouse the beauty and relevance of humanism. All of these paths have not been blended into a pap without vitality. They are and should be paths to sisters and brothers of various beliefs listening to and relishing diversity. It is not naive to embrace the cherished tenets of others, because the world is strewn with the casualties of those who blindly defended  their beliefs without exploring the wonder of those who are different

There are times when we like  Dorothy,the Tin Man,the cowardly Lion and the Scarecrow take off to find some Wizard that will fill all our dreams.This imaginary power source will remove all of our fears, and fill us with powers that will carry us to new heights. I am afraid that like the search in the Wizard of Oz we may only find frustration and disappointment in that strategic approach. Much of what we dream and hope for is not attainable by magic ,but more probably by design and hard work. Each dream or fantasy becomes closer once we determine that it is something worth “going for”. The first behavioral steps take it out of the”wish list” to a  concrete goal worth pursuing.

Relegate your Wizards to the fantasy part of your brain and unleash the reality that will fill more fully what you truly desire.Take the fist step toward the goal you really have chosen,

If I had won the lottery there are countless wonderful ways that i would have spent the money. Visions of helping all sorts of others wove their way to my dreams and fantasies. I dutifully bought my ten tickets and tuned in for the reading of the numbers.Ten tickets and not even close on any ticket. I had not won the lottery, but wait a minute.What about all the lotteries I had already won? I had won the lottery of wonderful parents and two terrific siblings. I had won the lottery of a wonderful second family with Elaine ,John and Marisa. I had won the lottery of a wonderful education filled with marvelous mentors and friends. I had won the lottery of being involved with dedicated human beings who have spent their lives caring for the marginalized. Yes I did not win that enormous sum of money but many of us need to reflect on all the other lotteries in life that we have  already won.

There are many indications that love exists between a parent and child but none is greater than a public birthday party.Today I attended the birthday party of a wonerful five year old girl and her nine dearest friends. It began at noon and the prior firteen minutes was spent receiving parents with toothy grins that knew that it was someone eles turn into the horror chamber of the two hour entertainment venture. The day began with games and assorted tasks that meant to engage the imagination of the children.Endless amounts of energy had already depleted the paents.It was stand tall, play games,open presents of the celebrant and yet it was only twelve twenty. Another one hour and forty minutes to go. Already” Saint Jude had beem invoked as the terrifying waves of “What will I do with them in that slowly moving pendulum of time. Another round of opening of presents,cake and ice cream and picture taking ,and still there was fifty minutes to go.  A clean up committee brought few smiles and so back to the games with children who had become listless and filled with cake and ice cream. The thought that more sugar might help could not be a decent strategy so their decision to revert to more  games was the only choice left. The shaking of the wrist watch across the ear did not work and the warm spring day did not allow a closing ten minute period.

Finally the wonderful sound of car doors hinted that  reprieve had come and the exhausted parents had been freed,at least for another year.One day when this sweet five year old becomes a sullen person that states “you never loved me” the tape of this party will be worth the pain.

One day years ago I receive a call from an eighteen year old student who told me that he was going to end his life, but because I had treated him kindly he wished that I would forgive him. To buy time I stated “I can only forgive you face to face so wait until I come to your home”. I probably should have called the police but I was afraid that any appearance other than mine could cause him to kill himself. When I arrived at his home he opened the door and was holding a forty five revolver in his hand. For the next two hours we chatted and I finally convinced him that he should not take his life. My triumph was short lived because he then pointed the gun at me and announced that he had changed his mind. “I am going to kill you and then I will kill myself” Though shocked I kept my composure and ultimately after another hour he handed me the gun and I drove him to the hospital. That crisis was the beginning of his way back, and happily he has matured into an outstanding human being. As for me, I was fine during the crisis but slept for seventeen hours after it. That traumatic day taught me how fleeting life can be and that the now is a helluva lot more important than most of what I was worrying about. There are moments when I lose that insight, but fortunately I am on more than one occasion jolted back to fully focusing on the people and things that really matter,

We all know that every day there are issues that may be out of our control. Things happen in our personal lives that we could not envision, and certainly the level of stress fluctuates. A financial setback, an illness, the recession, unresolved family issues; all of these take a toll and often we feel powerless. None of these challenges should be minimized, but there is always at least one alternative. None of us has the magic wand that makes everything turn out well, but there is within us the question of how we choose to deal with any issue. Our attitude is the one area that we can adjust to meet the circumstances which cause us pain or discomfort. If we endlessly are mired in the sense of being powerless than the little control we could have remains dormant. There is always a way to adjust how we respond to the trials and tribulations of the human experience. Examine your speech, which is the foundation of attitude and the key to how we respond. It is not pie in the sky to realize that what we say and what we see is where we go. Change the speech, adjust the attitude, and all of the energy does not flow into the problem; it moves toward the challenge. My wonderful friend and mentor Viktor once said “I cannot control the circumstances but I can control how I relate to the circumstances.”

In the long gone days of undergraduate studies a name stands out that has had influence on my pen to this day. Professor John Franzetti had a passion for the English language and his love of literature was infectious. As a journalism major, I entered the course with an “I need to pile up credits in my major” attitude. But that minimal expectation vanished in about the first twenty minutes of the initial class. Professor Franzetti transported my mind and spirit to the beauty of authors that had catapulted his mind into different spheres. it was not merely a class, it was an adventure into the profound world of words and ideas. That enthusiasm for probing the plots of writers has never dwindled, and  the memory of that wonderful mentor Professor John will always be close to my heart.