Sal's Reflections

I grew up in a wonderful community but there was little diversity Most people were Catholic and the family model was primarily the nuclear family . Choices of occupations were limited for women and I did not even know a gay person. People of color largely lived in one section of town and the presumption made by most in my community was that we lived in a wonderful place. It was a real neighborhood but since then my world has been blessed by the exposure to all forms of thought and diversity. The closet was opened, civil rights became a movement with strong appeal and the limitations on women were challenged and fortunately changed. This progression by some causes a yearning for the good old days but I feel blessed and see diversity not as a threat but rather opportunity.There is a wealth of wisdom and growth if we realize that custom and culture is not governed by the laws of nature.

It seems to me that many times I have a series of tapes in my brain that play regularly. Some are quite helpful and positive but some are not so useful and create limitations. Many of these tapes center on relationships, past and present. Old impressions and sometimes lingering hurts and grudges are maintained by these. They enable me to remember why I don’t like “so and so” and justify my behavior toward them. The tapes may be valid and based on facts but perhaps it is time to erase them and try to rebuild or enhance a relationship. Despite the bromide “that people never change”, circumstances do change and there is always a new opportunity to repair or reconstruct most relationships. Keeping the tapes may be the easiest route but substituting new ones may give new vitality and meaning to your life.

What a privilege it is to raise children. From the moment they are born there is a bond that alters who you are.Their first smile and the second you let go and the two wheeler wobbly moves away becomes part of you.They are the source of millions of smiles, hugs and at times tears and days of worry. They are the answers and the questions and life is never the same from that first moment you see them in the nursery.It is and has been such a joy for me and I cannot imagine what my life would have been like without John and Marisa. It is a day when we as fathers are honored but it really is a day when we realize how blessed we have been to raise and care for such precious persons.

I learned a great deal from my father and to this day I miss him. The boyish charm, the zest for life despite advancing years and the ever presence of his marvelous sense of humor. My father through marriage carried out my education by teaching me what generosity of spirit meant. My brother taught me how to lovingly raise children and to be honest in all dealings with others. My son taught me the wonder of totally loving his daughter in everything he did. Father Frank McNulty taught me that theology is grand but the people are more important than the rules. All along the way others have reached out to model and teach me about life. I raise my glass in praise and gratitude to all of them.

I was on the train from hell when I boarded the #91 New York to Pinehurst N.C.The train was four hours late and arrived well into the early morning. There was much groaning and moaning among the passengers and I was tempted to lend my voice to the mob. Suddenly it dawned on me that this was an inconvenience and not a tragedy. Everyday persons are dealing with tremendous challenges and many of their situations are tragic. It serves me well when I can be annoyed at the temporary as long as I remind myself that these are nuisancies not tragedies.

There are people in the course of our lives who play an important
part and then for various reasons we lose touch with them. It is not that we completely forget them but both parties usually get wrapped up in a host of responsibilities. Sometimes they reappear, and we realize that in a sense they have never left us because we have carried them and the friendship with us. We meet at different crossroads in life and are blessed when once again they come back into our lives.

One of my oldest friends has led a remarkable life and it always amazes me that despite his advanced age he never seems to lose his enthusiasm .Recently over a cup of coffee I inquired as to what makes him so upbeat about life.”Years ago I discovered something that makes each day worthwhile. I did not aspire to contribute some great achievement like writing the best American novel. Rather I needed some consistent pattern that would give direction and meaning. I decided that a half hour a day would be the way to go. Every day I dedicate fifteen minutes to myself and at least fifteen minutes to others. This time has in some small way given me an anchor. It may be reading or going for a walk or having my favorite dessert. That time gives me the pause within all of the other demands of life that makes me feel special. On the other hand life is more fulfilling when others never cease to be important. Those fifteen minutes spent outside myself have been the anchor of being connected to the world with an unselfish purpose”
Simple but sage advice that makes so much sense.

I have two friends who have interesting views on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. One is an Israeli who believes that her government must radically change many of its’ policies and end much of their current behavior if there is to be peace. The other a Palestinian insists that Israel has every right to exist and her leaders must make that open commitment. Neither wants their children or grandchildren to live under the present climate. On the other hand their husbands have taken polarized positions. The Israeli is unwilling to concede one inch of territory and bristles at the statement that this is an occupation. The Palestinian decries the Israeli settlements and believes Israel has no right to exist. Both believe their wives positions are naïve. If things continue as they think they should peace will never be achieved. Which position for the future is the more naïve?

It dawns on me that every day I take so many things for granted The abilities to see,talk,hear and be relatively mobile are facilities that are spontaneous and have been given little notice. The food that is available ,housing and simple human needs are readily present and literally I want for little. These gifts,and they are gifts,should make me aware that this is not the case for all. Many struggle each day with disabling conditions, while others are without the basic human needs. Listing the endless blessings that have been showered on me enables me to have deep gratitude and constantly reminds me to care about and for others.

When Newtown occurred everyone of us pledged to do whatever we could to enhance the possibility that it would never happen again. There was a level of outrage not seen on an issue for some time with all sorts of verbal pledges. However, as time goes by I have the sense that the outrage and commitment have faded. Meanwhile the carnage continues, as recent as yesterday innocent lives all over this land were ended. It is no guarantee that you ,I or loved ones will be spared from these tragedies. Much of the killing is random and I personally know people who have lost children to gun violence. Like all great challenges the solutions are eventually with the rank and file. We must never forget the children of Newtown and every other citizen who has above all other rights the right to live.