Sal's Reflections

As St Patrick’s day approaches the song “When Irish eyes are smiling “is at the forefront of my brain. Two of my favorite people Colleen Welsh and John Curran were living examples of the beauty of that song. Both have passed recently, but the memories of their impact on me continues. Every time I think of John entering a room and engaging everyone with his Celtic charm I smile. Also the memories of Colleen’s ability to be totally devoted to making her friends feel special lives on. Their Irish eyes smiled on so many ,and though they are not here for the annual feast of Erin they remain vibrant in my heart and soul.

There seems to be great clarity on the part of many citizens regarding what they are against. Constant screeching on the part of both the left and right have led to a stalemate and I believe a gridlock that penalizes everyone. It is time to focus on what we are for as well as what we are against. I am for an America that:

Safeguards the rights of all citizens regardless of race, creed or sexual preference

Does not allow children to go to bed hungry

Makes equal justice for all more than a slogan

Focuses on job creation that takes into account the needs of the middle class

Sees homelessness as a blight that must be resolved

Believes that every child is entitled to a good education

Believes the common good is more important than political party affiliation

Safeguards the environment for our children and grandchildren

When did it become fashionable to make fun of intellectuals and the great pursuits of the mind? I watched a program today that demeaned learning, and thought most academic pursuits were a waste of time where eggheads wasted endless hours.  It is learning and the dedication of brilliant minds that have contributed vast amounts of positive accomplishments that have enhanced life. Salk changed the horrible disease of Polio by myriad attempts to find a vaccine. Technology has allowed people in the furthest corners of the world to leap frog poverty, hunger and a host of other challenges that have been without solution. Whether it be climate, economics,medicine or other academic disciplines there are  persons all over the globe who are attempting to raise the human experience to a different level. Their search for truth and solutions should be praised not diminished by sound bites that have no data to support their dismissal. Dialogue and diverse opinions are more than valid, but when they begin with disdain for intellect and science they are without merit.

My mother had two very strong personality traits; she was ever kind and always honest. Her brother Rudy possessed neither, and was consistently a burr under the entire family’s saddle. He was consistently rude to my grandmother, and frequently uttered racist and sexist comments publicly. One evening after enduring a Rudy visit my father, brother and I were loudly complaining about Rudy, and trying to outdo each other with our personal assessments of how awful he was. My mother was in the kitchen, and was experiencing great discomfort at the comments. Finally she could no longer take it and being true to her devotion to both honesty and kindness burst into the living room and said “My brother Rudy is an excellent whistler”. Whenever I meet someone like Rudy along the way I say to myself “I will bet he is a good whistler.”

Many years ago an eleven year old Sicilian boy walked down a mountain from his village to a train station at Roccco Palumbo. It was a steep climb and the young boy was torn by fear and the realization that he was going away from the only life he had known. Arriving at the station he wept as the train pulled away and headed for Naples. The diminishing view of his grandfather weeping at the station stayed with him for days. Boarding a massive ship and being huddled with an endless number of sea sick voyagers he arrived in New York on a bitter cold day dressed only in a sleeveless shirt. Incapable of speaking a word of English he was the butt of bullying, and instead of going to school opted to work in a burlap factory for six and a half days a week.Poor ,uneducated and facing the challenges of a strange land he and his family not only survived they eventually thrived. His older brothers and he in seven years worked at every minial job that was available.They saved and sacrificed and in seven years wound up owning the second largest laundry in New Jersey. I draw on the experience and history of this man and his family, and every time I enter a tough stretch I think of my Father as an eleven year old boy and draw on the strength of his courage and mettle.

There is a vast difference between the words perfection and excellence. It is almost impossible to be perfect at anything, and setting this as a goal makes any experience fraught with perils of negative judgment and failure. However, devoting oneself to excellence in any goal is a source of energy and inspiration. No one can be perfect as a friend, parent, or employee but anyone can devote themselves to achieving excellent performance in any role . Seeking perfection often creates hesitancy, and opportunities are lost because the obstacles prevent spontaneous responses. The search for excellence on the other hand has built in the awareness that there will be down times, and adjustments to every goal and responsibility must be made. There is freedom in devotion to excellence, but a series of pitfalls on the road to perfection.

When writing a book one is aware that there will be many rewrites before the book is finished. The same is true in life because all of us follow a script that contains the core of our beliefs about life and ourselves. Some of the script has been inherited and written by others and may need revisions. Taking control by examining what the script contains offers opportunities to add and delete some of the content that effects who we are ,and how we lead our lives. There may be some subliminal messages that the script contains that impair our ability to fully enjoy the beauty of our humanity. Like the endless work of writing a book it is a worthwhile exercise to review, and perhaps alter the script and add new positive messages and beliefs.

People are not like the end results of an automated product line where there are quality inspections along the way. We are all imperfect as we try to lead meaningful lives and certainly there are choices made that bring some regret. At times we can alter those choices and create new patterns which are less harmful to ourselves and others. However, their are choices that are not so easily remedied and it is important that we learn from those. I worked for a splendid executive years ago who stated”I want this organization to focus more on forgiveness than permission.”We all make mistakes, but what we learn from them is critical to continued growth. Self forgiveness is important to moving forward to becoming the persons we desire.

Although it has been over two decades I still miss my sister Tina.Last week was the anniversary of her death, and the memories of her flooded my mind.When she was dying she was bewildered by the outpouring of love that cascaded from everyone who knew her.She was so unassuming that she never fully realized that every life she touched was  changed was for the better. Although her diagnosis was terminal she served as financial counselor, as well as love consultant to the nurses and physicians at The University of Pennsylvania  hospital. When she died a host of nurses traveled over two hours to attend her funeral. In my eulogy that day I said “Tina was a woman for all seasons and truly a gift to all who had the pleasure of her presence. To this day I feel her spirit in my life and she continues to be “the wind beneath my wings.”

The forecast is for another ice and snowstorm to wreck havoc again for days during this endless winter. I never recall the winter being so harsh  and in some ways it is a paradigm for serious personal challenges. It appears that Spring will never return and the occasional mild day is followed by record temperatures and icy winds. In the midst of a difficult personal problem weather it be financial, health related or personal relationships there are moments when hope is lost, and the despair of the future seems bleak. Winter is not done with us, and there are more bitter cold days ahead but Spring will come, flowers will bloom and we will once again be buoyed by the beauty of nature. It is also true that the pain and fears of the difficulties faced will have some sunlight and hope may ne just around the corner.