Sal's Reflections

The first date was the beginning of a deep romance between Helen and Sal ,and it was time for Helen’s family to meet Sal. Helen suggested because her parents were devout Catholics it would be wise for them to get to know Sal before they informed them of his background. The four day visit in Troy,New York was delightful, but Helen’s parents were convinced that Sal was a divorced man.They were ready to accept that but were stunned when on the last morning in Troy Sal revealed that he had been a Catholic Priest,
A week after they left Troy Helen’s father wrote a long letter telling his daughter that he believed that this relationship was one that should be approached with great caution.Helen had a strong reaction to the letter, and was about to respond. However Sal cautioned her to not write an angry response.”He told her” your father adores you, and does not know me from a hole in the wall. Give your parents time to adjust. Sal knew that he was currently in the back of the bus but hopefully when time passes they will understand that their daughter is in a loving relationship.

Fortunately as time passed Sal no longer owned a seat in the back of the bus ,and had a rock solid relationship with Helen’s parents. It was a significant blessing that now living in Amherst the trip from Massachusetts to Troy ,New York was only two hours so they saw them regularly. Helen and Sal had been blessed with two wonderful children who loved visiting Nana and Pop because there were so many pleasures for them in and around the Murray home. They had access to the country club pool ,and could gorge themselves without their parents harping on how much chocolate they had devoured.

Bud was a member of the Supreme Court in New York, and was universally admired for his decisions and work ethic. Dorothy was always the Belle of every social event and a hostess without peer. They were singular gifts to the La Greca’s budding family.

There are two stories that epitomize Bud Murray. The first revolves around the clothes shopping for his four daughters as they were growing up.Dorothy,a fashion plate in her own rite, shopped for the girls’ clothing at a marvelous children’s shop in Troy. The name of the establishment was The Geranium Tree. The clothes were all beautiful, but in fact it was a pricey establishment. Despite being a dutiful and caring father, Bud knew nothing about the styles and cost of female clothing. One evening while writing checks he was stunned by The Geranium Tree bill. In utter astonishment he turned to Dorothy and inquired”Heavens Dorothy how many Geraniums did you buy?”

The second Bud story happened in Troy in 1943. Bud was a war hero who had won the Silver Star as a Colonel in the South Pacific.Having been wounded he was home for a bit before rejoining his outfit. Bill was one of Bud’s closest friends ,and had not been drafted because he was blind in one eye, and had a severe limp.He received a draft notice ,and was to report for an appointment at the Albany Draft Board. Bud graciously offered to drive him and knowing Bill was anxious Bud attempted to curtail his anxiety. He told Bill”I have been in the military for three years, and I can assure you that you will be rejected.”

When they arrived at the Draft Board Bill entered the building, and Bud found a local café where he had coffee and a piece of apple pie. He finished his food, and thought it would be about the time when Bill would return to the car. As he approached the car he observed Bill at the top of the building’s steps frantically waving a white sheet of paper. Bud was confused, but as Bill approached he said” I am to report in two weeks. I’ve been drafted. “Bud was flabbergasted and said “quick get in the car the Germans must be in South Troy.”

Sal received word from Rome that his application for leaving the active ministry had been rejected. He had a suspicion that the Archbishop had not supported his decision and he completely understood. He believed that the Archbishop was hopeful that over a period of time Sal would change his mind. However, it was now time for him to move forward and to follow the urgings of his heart.

One of the parishioners from Westbury had moved to the west coast, and was currently an Executive Vice President with the Dymo Corporation in San Francisco.Luigi Contini was a brilliant leader, and a phenomenal developer of junior staff members.. He had a marvelous family, and they had been so gracious to Sal when they lived in his parish. Mary his wife was truly one-of-a-kind,,and everyone privileged to know her was changed for the better. They had seven marvelous children, and when invited to their home Sal felt like he might be an imposition with an extra person at the dinner table. Mary smiled and said”one more makes no difference because every night at our home is a dinner party”

Sal’s friend navy chaplain Jim Farrow had asked Sal while he was in transition to help out at two places. Jim said that it was almost impossible for him to meet all the needs of the Navy, as well as lending a hand to the San Diego Archdiocese. He requested that Sal say mass at the Mission church in San Diego on Saturday afternoon, and at the naval submarine base on Sunday morning. Sal had a friend who was a puppeteer, and after lengthy discussions with Jim Farrow they decided that they would focus the liturgy at the naval base on the children.

Life continued to be quite hectic in San Diego and Sal found himself drifting more and more away from the life that he had known as a parish priest. He did not love the church any less than the day of his ordination, but life and his role in it had been altered. He harbored no resentment or regret but found that the rules and narrow passage could no longer be where he spends the rest of his days. It was not an easy choice, and there were troublesome feelings because he knew this decision would be harmful to some who believed in him. The temptation to find a way to stay was quite strong, but it was the wrong decision, and he would be only a shell of what he hoped to be.

After weeks of studying in Vienna Sal’s new mentor and friend Viktor invited him to join him on his visit to San Diego. He had been invited to spend the spring semester at the University, and had arranged for Sal to pursue his Doctorate in Human Behavior and Leadership. Sal was thrilled to join him, and each day in his presence was like being in a laboratory filled with wisdom and learning. In addition to his incredible mind, Sal was privy to the innumerable letters from all over the world telling him how his book and work had dramatically changed their lives. For all of his achievements the two realities that most amazed Sal was his humility, and ability to forgive the Nazis.

Winter in Vienna with the overcast skies, frequent snow and bitter cold reflected Sal’s emotional state.. The saving grace for him was the daily opportunity to listen to Dr.Frankl. Although the classes were in German he had enough language ability to follow. Frequently in the middle of his class Dr.Frankl would personally direct remarks toward him in English. He had a marvelous emotional antenna ,and knew that Sal was struggling emotionally.

One late afternoon Sal went to his office ,and for two solid hours unloaded his grief and confusion. He had temporarily forgotten all that Frankl had lost during the Second World War. His parents,wife,relatives, occupation ,country and he was incarcerated in four concentration camps. He had been beaten starved, experienced frostbite and typhus. Despite this tragic personal history listened to every word intently, and never interrupted Sal’s emotional catharsis. When Sal had finally become silent he said ‘You are in great pain because your dear friend is dead and you loved him. There is no recipe to make that pain evaporate, but I also know that at some point you will have to make a decision. You will decide to emotionally get in the grave with your friend, or despite the grief go on with your life.If you bury yourself with him I don’t think you really knew who he was.”

The loss of Jack in the blinking of an eye shook the roots of all of Sal’s beliefs of immortality that are the province of the young. He had felt that we are on a road that has no turns toward death and illness until we pass the demarcation of middle age. Unspoken, but so real and a myth that is almost visceral, and when that credo is shattered the pain and confusion position one on the precipice of depression. It was a great deal to comprehend that Jack, a person so alive with all of the energy and dynamism of youth had ceased to be.The pain was searing, and floated to the surface without notice through a familiar song, a favorite place or merely the mention of his name. There were no insulated places where the residue of the pain did not seep to wound again.

It was a beautiful morning in Rome and Sal had just had coffee at the Piazza Navona, and spent hours reading the paper in the shadow of one of the most beautiful fountains in Europe. As he perused the Herald Tribune, which kept him in touch with the States, he was, as usual, enthralled by the beauty of the Fountain of the Four Great Rivers.The magical sound of the water flowing over chiseled marble gave the fountain a lifelike existence. Sal thought to myself how lucky he was to be here in this magnificent city as a student and to have the opportunity to roam through the annals of history at will. The city has so many treasures that Sal must resist the temptation to see Rome as a tourist. It is a city of living moments that leap out from doorways, fountains, and cobblestone streets. The voices of the Forum can still be imagined as the sun glances off the Palatine Hill. Rome does things to your heart and soul and there are moments when you believe that you have lived here before. With all this poetic nonsense rushing through his veins, he finished the last drop of coffee.

We had many visitors at the college, and it was not rare for a member of the hierarchy either from the states or Italy to say Mass and then have dinner with the student priests. On one occasion we had an Italian Bishop who was diminutive in size, but exceptionally warm and friendly. He spoke English to some degree, but there were certain words that were well intentioned but sounded differently when the Bishop pronounced them.

After dinner he stood up at the head table and wished to give his blessing not only to us but to our families and the world at large. At one point his intention was to convey peace to those assembled as well as our mothers, fathers,brothers sisters and the entire world. The word peace was difficult for him to pronounce, and he gleefully began his blessing by in a loud voice saying.”Piss on you,piss on your mother, piss on your father and piss on your family,piss on everybody. Needless to say the blood was running down our cheeks as we did not wish to offend this kind soul who was wishing peace on everyone,However after he left his singular blessing was shared by many of us as we encountered each other for days to come.

Another momentous occasion occurred the following week when a group of us attended a public audience by the pope in Saint Peter’s basilica. In the middle of the pope’s words there was a commotion in the back of the basilica, and the police rushed in and with a great show of force carried a man outside. The story was that in the middle of the crowd the man had exposed himself, and was apparently. trying to press against a young woman. The woman screamed and initially other pilgrims intervened and held him until the police arrived. We later learned through the grapevine that his defense in the magistrate’s court was that he was so taken by the Holy Father’s words that he could not breathe. In an effort to stop from fainting he loosened his pants and his private part just slipped out. After the entire court howled at this ingenious defense the magistrate levied a very severe sentence.