God, do I look as bad as you?’

“You were unanimously voted ugliest resident on your wing.”

“With your endearing personality I am going to recommend that you become a member of the welcoming committee. You will certainly keep the place from overcrowding.”

“You are already on the committee and the limit is one asshole.”

“Back to reality Doctor, Let’s find something meaningful for you.”

“Who died and put you in charge of my future?’

“”The Wizard of Oz gave me this task before he passed on. I must find where you fit into the universe’s eternal plan.”

: “Your eternal purpose is to bust my balls. I pray every night that we don’t die on the same day. I would go nuts spending eternity next to you.”

“Wouldn’t you feel better if you had a schedule with some meaning?”

“There is no one in the world that doesn’t want a purpose, but my life is over.”

: “It’s only over if you will it to be over. With your skills and experience there is at least one more challenge.”

: “Yeah like avoiding Depends.”

“Maybe what you need is a companion.”

“Is that code for “Maybe you need a woman?”

“Now that you’ve mentioned it, yes.”
“Did you have anyone in mind?’

“Not really, but there are some lovely women here.’

“It has been a dog’s age since I did any of those dating rituals. I would not know where to begin. Why are you laying this trip on me? What about you? You’re also single?”

“It has crossed my mind,., and like you I am also somewhat shy.”

“Well at least at our age sex isn’t an issue.”

“Speak for yourself.’

“you couldn’t get it up if you tried.”

“My friend that is called projection.”

: “No it’s called dead dick syndrome.”

“Jealousy will consume you one of these days.”

: “Wait here while I go and find a magnifying glass. When and if we find it, we can decide whether it will ever rise again.”
Why does a conversation about your love life center on my dick?”
“Because they are both fantasies.”

“I am going to dinner in five minutes with the number one goal of finding you a love interest,”

:” If you embarrass me tonight I will muster what energy I have left and kick your ass.”