Smiling Mike decides to break the rules reaches for a cigarette and takes a long drag.”You don’t know the half of it. My internship began with a stint in Jefferson hospital emergency room. It literally began with a bang. A jealous woman caught her boyfriend with a woman in bed and shot his penis off. I’m standing looking at this poor bastard with his private gone ,and I’m thinking this is not what my Mother had in mind for her son the Doctor.”
Grimacing and feeling a twinge in his loins Sal asks “did the guy die?”
: “no but his days as an alley cat ended,, even the new love potions would not have helped him.
The day after the pecker incident I moved to a safer area. I’m making rounds, and a 66 year old man named Mr. Bergman is my first patient. I greet him with my usual” good morning Mr. Bergman how are you today?” The guy looks fine, and before he can answer he makes a grunting sound and dies in front of me. I think holy shit I didn’t even touch the guy.”
I followed this masterful act of life saving by delivering a baby that afternoon. A cab driver brought a woman in, and she was about six seconds from delivering. I position myself, and the baby comes out and I missed it and it went right into the pail. The woman is asking is it a boy or girl, and I’m trying to retrieve the baby from the pail.”

“Christ you were a disaster”

“After my initial successes in Cardiology and child delivery I moved to attending broken bones. I put a cast on this guys leg, and forgot to put the gauze on before the plaster.
When the poor bastard came back to get the cast off I took tons of skin with the plaster removal. The guy says does it always hurt this much? I lied and said it’s usually worse.
I topped this orthopedic feat by building a walking cast for a middle aged woman. I couldn’t get both sides even, so I kept adding plaster. The damn thing was so heavy that when I finished she could not lift her leg. I gave her crutches until she got used to the cast.
Actually It did get better and at one point I was no longer a public health disaster.”

“When you finished where did you go?”
I did a residency in surgery at Bellvue Hospital in New York until Uncle Sam called. I eventually would up in Vietnam.”

Mike puts out his cigarette, and although it is quite cold out opens the window and attempts to wave the smoke out of the room. “How about you? I heard from maniac that you were ordained a priest.