“That’s because you haven’t completed your project in Arts and Crafts.”

Looking at his hands Mike shakes his head.These hands have countless times performed life saving surgery, and now they are the robotic hands for stringing beads. “Do you believe that crap? Making useless shit just to keep us busy, I was a professional with a huge practice making life and death decisions, and now I’m gluing Popsicle sticks together.”
Sal is concerned that although a good deal of time has passed Mike has not adjusted to life .What else could you do?”

“That’s just it; you can only read or watch so much television. Conversation in the great room is like my first days as an intern. Everyone is sharing their medical history in the middle of burps and farting sounds. I’m beginning to think that going home is less dangerous than the daily gas attacks in that room. Talk about carbon limits. Cows don’t give off as much gas as the residents. What the hell do you do all day?”
“I mostly spent time on my computer. It’s an endless source of information, plus I still keep up with friends and colleagues on e mail.”
:“Bullshit, you probably watch porno all day.”
You don’t have to watch porno on the computer just look at the ads on T.V.” “yeah like the boner ads- The real reason the guy can’t get it up is because he’s sitting in a tub of cold water. His pecker has shrunk from the cold.”

“And how about the part that talks to the problem with a four hour woody. Call a doctor? Shit, call an ambulance for his partner. She’s probably dead.”
‘Four Hours? Shit you could do the whole neighborhood.”

“The pharmaceutical business has more syndromes that one could imagine. Shaky leg syndrome, limp dick, bleeding hemorrhoids, constant belching and farting ,frequent or infrequent peeing. The side affects are death, diarrhea, or you can’t poop for a year. Then they tell you this rarely happens. Hell the cure is worse than the syndrome. So much of it is marketing hype.”

: “you think that’s new information for me. Some of the drugs are life savers, but there’s a lot of me too compounds that aren’t any better than the competition.”
“we are digressing Mike what could make it better for you here?”
“If I knew that Dr. Phil I would not be climbing the walls.”

Attempting to connect Mike to his incredible life history he pursues options. “Have you thought about writing your memoirs? You have had a very interesting
life., Med school, being a surgeon, Vietnam ,father, husband, die hard conservative.”“ Funny when your going through your life you don’t think that there is anything unique about it, and then you get to our age and you think” What the hell happened?’ Where did it all go?’ I think there is also the conviction that it’s all been said. What the hell do I have to offer?.”

“I don’t believe that it’s all been said because your experience is singular. No one has ever lived and perceived life exactly as you have.”
: “Christ, Dr. Phil you are really good. How much do I owe you for this counseling session?”
“Just leave a ton of unmarked bills in an envelope on my bed.”

“You can take the man out of Jersey City, but you can’t take the Jersey City out of the man. You immediately go to the pay for play shit that we grew up in. My whole family at one point in time had no show jobs working for the city. My cousin Tommy was appointed the commissioner of weights and measures. At the news conference a reporter asked him jokingly Tommy how many ounces in a pound? My dumbo cousin thinks it’s a real question and answers” Hey, first day on the job give me a break.” If you put him and his three brothers together you would have one brain.”

“That’s what I’m talking about. Tell us the stories of Jersey City .”

“A lot of the stories center on our parish and the corner.”

: “I have a few of my own. Do you remember Fr. Reynolds?”

Yeah he was a great guy and a magnet for people who were a little off center.”

One day a visiting priest is in his confessional box. One of Fr. Reynolds regulars comes in with a serious speech impediment. Booming through the church tha guy says”ooo yee ya ya vam noo and on and on. The priest doesn’t know what the hell the guy is saying and finally in total frustration says” Whatever the hell you did don’t do it again.”

“Almost like our crowd going to the Polish parish to confess to the polish priest. Do you Still go to confession?.”

“It’s been quite a while.”
“Shit, at our age what the hell do we have to confess?”

Rumor has it that you’ve been lusting after the gorgeous night nurse.”

: “Hell that and a good breakfast would kill me.”

Yeah but what a great way to die.

“I’m leaving because being with you is an occasion of sin.”

Mike stands up and leaves. Sal gives him a mock blessing.