Sal's Reflections

It has been my experience that once you have the confidence to look at one or two goals they become a great area for testing your future. They need not be mammoth but the process of choosing,behaving,developing a plan and altering it creates confidence. New conscious belief systems balance many of those negative self statements that we all carry. If you have followed the goal setting process you are changed, and it may be an opportunity to look at new goals in a wider context. For example when you examine your relationships you could ask yourself what do I wish to happen between significant others and me in the next year?What career or personal areas are worth examining for new stretch goals?Is there further schooling or learning on my wish list?No matter what age you are what are some of the top wishes in the bucket list? Are there somethings you want to move from wish to choose?.

Work Task:
Look at the goals you are working on in a wider context of your overall life. Where are you headed in the next year? Write down two or three items for bucket list consideration.

It would be naive to believe that anyone has total control over the circumstances of life.Hhowever, I believe that there are areas of life where we can shape outcomes and enhance goal achievement. For the last twenty four days you have embarked on a process that takes a degree of control over your life. You have harnassed the decision to seek a goal or goals and this has been reinforced by the leverage of positive dissatisfaction,identifying the pain and pleasure,utilizing affirmations and substituting new beliefs.All of this has been reinforced by a plan and required behavioral changes.

Work task:
Do you believe that you had some control in the process? If so what leads you to believe that?

There are times when the thirty days are so successful that the basic goal has been achieved earlier than the target date. In these cases it is very common for the process to end early. Actually when this happens it is another opportunity to widen the goal. Examples of this are in the area of weight reduction and social goals. If the goal was to lose ten pounds and it has been achieved there is the opportunity to change the goal to fifteen pounds. If the goal was to become more active socially by attending four social functions where you would meet new persons you could widen the goal to five or six opportunities in the same time period.Energy is enhanced when we send the brain the signal that it is not time to cease activities and behavior. The other benefit in the process is the realization that in this goal area you have taken control and have already achieved results.

Work task:
If you have already achieved the goal before the target date consider widening the goal. If this occurs follow the same procedures i.e. write it down and affirm it.

I have not mentioned sharing your goals with anyone because many times in the goal setting process others may have a negative reaction and weaken your resolve. If you stumble along the way they will point out your behavior and again it may cause you to abandon the goal. At this stage the opposite is true. You have already achieved much in the process and sharing your process with someone who cares about you can be a reinforcer as well as personally rewarding. It is not that you are seeking praise but rather another way to strenghten the habits that you have already developed.

Work Task:
Share with someone you respect what you have experienced and where you are in the goal setting process.

All of your hard work so far in the goal setting process has created new habits. As you well know we are all creatures of habits. Many of them occur at the sub conscious level and are quite rote. What you have achieved is that you have structured new habits by consciously behaving in a consistent fashion so that you are aware of the steps to the habit. Focusing on these habits at this stage of development strengthens them and allows you to bring all of the other resources to them. You can reaffirm the habit with your speech i.e.” I feel great in that I exercise three times a week.” ” I feel much more comfortable in that I have reached out to my sister and worked at building a new relationship.” or “I believe that learning Italian is not only possible I am doing it.” Focus,focus,focus .This intense target becomes one with you and as you take all of the steps toward the goal the habit becomes stronger.

Work task:
Identify some of the habits that you now have in place. Make them stronger by bringing positive self talk and affirmations to them . Focus ,focus,focus on how this habit has become part of your life.

This venture began with the words wish, want and then because you decided to move forward you embraced the word choose. It was at that moment that the signals to your brain began to change.Ever the skeptic your brain probably said” I have heard this before and there is no need to go into action”.: However the change that occured was that your choice was followed by the beginning of a plan. It had behavioral dimensions and required you to not only choose the goal but to behave toward it. At that moment you had leverage and began to organize resources and timelines. The pain of not achieving the goal as well as the pleasure was put on the table and reinforced the goal. You are well on your way, and it is not important that perhaps along the way you stumbled. Reward yourself with the positive affirmations that you are going to achieve your goal and add a new belief that reinforces the intended outcome.

Work task:
Review what you have done so far in the goal setting process.Reflect on what has been helpful and how you have changed. Reward your psyche with a new belief and a series of affirmations that reinforce the process.

Many times in the process of goal setting we have one or more times when we behave differently than required. If the goal is the cessation of smoking and we smoke on a given day that does not mean that we have abandoned the goal. When that happens it is only a decision for that moment. If the goal is still important this is an opportunity to renew the goal. We can do this consciously and subconsciousy. Some of the ways we do this is to control self talk.” I choose to quit smoking” Asking yourself “what does finish look like?”is another way to reinforce the pleasure that will come from this.”What is the pain if you continue to smoke”.Rewrite and sign the paper where you have pledged to achieve this goal. Add affirmations regularly during the day which state” I have become a non smoker.”Just before you go to sleep and when you wake verbally renew the goal.
It is not uncommon to fall by the wayside in the goal process but you can renew the goal and continue to pursue it.

Work task:
If you have stopped working on the goal or behaved in ways that make the goal less likely shape your self talk. Rewrite the goal and write down all the pleasure you will receive from achieving the goal. Identify the pain that will come from the non achievement of the goal.

I have found that there is magic in what I will call the” rule of three.” It is based on the idea that if you have a relationship with someone, and they care about you, it is most difficult for them to say no three times in a row. This of course is based on reasonable requests.If in trying to reach your goal you need the assistance of this person then my experience tells me that their level of discomfort will rise with each no. An example of this is in seeking new employment. You are requesting that the person who cares about you contact an executive and pave the way for your contacting them.First request”Would you call Tom Jones and recommend me for this position?” Response: ” I am really not comfortable doing that”.Second request: “Would you write me a letter recommending me for that position?” Response: ‘ I am not sure that I will do that.” Third request” “Would you feel comfortable when I call if I would use your name?”Response:”Sure that would be fine.” Remember the key to this rule is that the person has a relationship with you. I have found that it is extremely effective in garnering the support you need.

Work task:
Whose aid do you require in your pursuit of your goals? Write down the three requests that you would seek. Ask the most difficult one first and then lessen the next, but always make the requests inportant enough to help achieve the goal.

As you go along in the goal setting change process it often becomes clear that to achieve the goals there needs to be an evolving plan. We stated that in the beginning it is not necessary to have every detail figured out. However,it often requires additional resources to fully complete the goals. Where you are now in the process is an opportunity to assess what is needed to move forward. Do you need the assistance of someone else.? For example if you are involved in the job search is there anyone in your network that could be helpful? If the goal is smoking cessation is there any additional information that would enable you to move forward? In almost every case of seeking goals as we probe and move forward additional resources are required.

Work task:
Identify for each goal additional persons or resources that are required at this stage to achieve your goals.

In order to maintain focus it is necessary to daily reinforce the goals as something you wish to complete.Periodically during the day it is helpful to view the goals and to state that you have committed to them and are on schedule to meet them.Symbols are a way to achieve this, so I would suggest that you write down the goals and look at them during the day. I have found that a convenient way of having them accessible is to write them down and place them in my wallet. At different points during the day I go over and reaffirm them.If you wish to keep them to yourself just use the first letter of each word. An example would be”I w f a n j b J 15″ ” I will find a new job by January 15″ The most important time to do this is just before you go to sleep and when you wake up in the morning.

Work task:
On a small card or piece of paper write down your goals. Please remember to make them concrete. and if possible add dates for completion. Decide where you will place the card so that you will be able to access it during the day..