Sal's Reflections

The last time I was aware of the universal societal anger was on 9/11/2001. Everyone is seething because of what happened in Connecticut. It is certainly a normal response but where do we go with this emotion? We cannot deny it but anger is always a response, and in itself solves nothing. If we use the anger to shout at each other and further polarize a society that is already fractured by political camps what value does it bring? If we fail to seek common ground to move towards better ways to prevent such horror has our anger led to hope for meaningful change? I hope that this anger causes us to pause, and instead of merely finding others to blame we realize that we are all bound together by our pain and anguish. All death is searing but this tragic incident has touched everyone so profoundly that we need each other to create a better world. Each of us can do something to minimize the next horror waiting to happen. Forcing polarities may make us momentarily feel better, but listening to each other and building a consensus is more important than winning an argument. Like all of you, I am angry but I want my anger to go to a place that honors the dead and leads to a society where all are involved in preventing it from happening every day.

There is a poignant moment in Spielberg’s movie” Lincoln “where he is being counseled to abandon the amendment to ban slavery. He is told that it is the wrong time, and politically a precarious move.. He rejects the counsel and says three times, NOW,NOW.NOW!! I reject that it is the wrong time to politicize this moment because we must merely grieve. Tell that to those families of the thirty people that will die today, tomorrow and every day forward. We must abandon the insanity that allows guns that are military assault weapons and multiple round clips. It is only a start to a complex issue but we must be tenacious about this issue, and we will fail all of those who have died if we merely shrug our shoulders because the task is mammoth. In the immortal words of Lincoln,Now,Now,Now!!!!!!.

Three beautiful girls were murdered in Alabama years ago by racial hatred in a church bombing and their blood was a prime catalyst in the nation seeing the injustice of racism. Six children died by the hands of terrorists in Northern Ireland and it brought forth such an outcry by the women of Ireland that peace movement overwhelmed the hatred. Again we have seen the little children murdered and taken from their families by senseless violence and like those before us we must rise and prove again that the bombs and guns will not have the ultimate victories.Those sweet children in Connecticut can never be replaced, but if their deaths bring forth only tears we have failed them and all other children who may be prey to days of unspeakable violence. I believe that evil has its day, but never wins in the final analysis. The blood of those children must have a meaning beyond our tears. Like Alabama and Ireland this is a call to action.

In a sense we have witnessed  this week the two Americas.:one violent insane taking of the innocent lives of children and adults. The other an outpouring of love, sorrow and compassion.. We can no longer allow these two versions to remain separate, and we will never totally fix the problem but the compassionate loving America I believe is ready to commit to lessening the other side of the American reality. We the ordinary citizens will weep for the victims and their loved ones, but we can do more. There is no solution that will make it all go away but there are pieces that will help. We can begin by demanding that the cuts for mental health be restored ,and a willingness to seek out the lost kids who wind up as monsters that perform unimaginable horrors. The loners, the ostracized the self angry that see no other path must have alternatives.We can also press for better screening of those who purchase guns and abolish automatic assault weapons and clips filled with outrageous numbers of bullets. We can volunteer to better help the parents who deal with the nightmares of disturbed children, and we can bring mental illness into the daylight. Cancer is awful, but we openly treat it and search for cures. Mental problems are still relegated to secrecy and limited coverage by insurance companies. There is no glove that will fit every case, but we are better than a group of people who accepts being powerless. We cannot and must not let this window close again.

I have known in my life on many occasions the shock of sudden death. As a professional at one point over a two month period ,I told families on six separate occasions that children under twenty five were killed in auto accidents. I have buried young adults who committed suicide, and witnessed the deaths of children from cancer, at their bedsides with their parents. None of those painful experiences are easily forgotten but the school killings in Connecticut are so overwhelming that all words are somewhat inadequate. We weep for all of those who died ,and the loved ones who today are engulfed in a vortex of pain that is beyond comprehension. Words cannot heal, and the only thing that I have experienced that helps is abiding presence that allows all of the emotions they will feel for years. Closure is a nice word but if it means complete healing than I have never seen or experienced it. Life for all concerned has been irrevocably changed, and standing by and with the loved ones is the role that never ends.

There are no words to express the sorrow we feel for the victims, families and all of the community of Newtown Connecticut. We cannot change the horror of today, but we must take some steps as citizens to minimize future horrors. My grandfather and father owned guns so I am not opposed to gun ownership ,and the second amendment has been grossly distorted. The slippery slope argument is nonsense because there is no opposition to citizens having guns. What does not make sense is the violence that takes over thirty lives each day. We as a society have a real issue with gun violence. We have allowed lobbyists and the leadership of the NRA to scare the sheep in our Congress. We must not cry for two weeks and go back to accepting this insanity. There are steps that can be immediately taken. We must implement a law that has a strict background checks on anyone who wishes to purchase a gun, no exclusion for gun shows, We should immediately restrict assault weapons and multi cartridge gun clips. We should also not cut mental health programs but widen them, and every school should have the resources to identify children with depression issues. I for one pledge that my commitment will be more than to weep for those innocents that were slaughtered today. In this country we radically changed the course of history in the areas of civil rights and an unjust war. It is time to hold our president and the representatives of Congress to find the intestinal fortitude to lead.

A proverb that brings a smile to my face is “when a pessimist faces two possible bad choices he chooses both. “By nature I most of the time find the glass half full. It has been my experience that being a “woe is me” person does not work. Life is not always a fairy tale, but constantly allowing the negative views to dominate consciousness limits the many opportunities to more fully experience joy..When the bad choices face you there are always alternatives that are on the other side of the gloom and doom. You can always go back to the pessimistic choices, but once you touch the positive side of your brain you may find that there are always choices which lead to better decisions.

Years ago much to my amazement a close friend completely stopped communicating with me. I was baffled by the behavior and made numerous attempts to find out why this had occurred. No matter what the attempt there was no response. I was hurt and angry and decided that I would cease attempting to discover the rationale for the break .I fond that as time passed the hurt seemed to grow. I decided that I would write a letter explaining my confusion, and also stating how much the friendship had meant to me. Still there was no response but my anger and feelings of hurt basically vanished. If there is an unresolved friendship in your life it may be worth one more try because even if it fails to reconnect you it may allow the hurt and anger to vanish.

There is a proverb that states “a true friend is a genuine treasure”. When you are fortunate enough to have a true friend all of life’s experiences can be shared. If there is pain in your life a friends shares the experience and offers consolation sometimes merely with their silent presence. If there is joy that has visited your friend’s participation enhances the feelings of wonder and accomplishment. This friend is a cornerstone of your life because they often see the flaws as well as all the admirable traits that you possess. A friend offers you the opportunity to shed the facades and be the person you truly are without fear of rejection. I have known such friends, and the proverb could not be more true, they are my treasures.

It is a wise Jewish proverb that states that “loneliness can break the spirit” I value being alone at times because there are many benefits in having the luxury of reflection, but this is vastly different than loneliness. There are many who are not connected to others. and their solitary existence can be very painful. This is especially true in the holiday season when the loneliness can be exceptionally debilitating. For those who are blessed by having others who fill so many emotional needs there is an obligation to reach out to those who feel aloof and disconnected. I am sure in my life there is at least one person who would benefit from personal contact especially in the coming weeks. The best way to celebrate the joy of this festive season is to bring some joy to those who are in the depts. of isolation..